Today I went for yet another review and update on my back. I am off work for yet another month. My MRI (shit just thought of something...Ill get to that in a minute) anyways my MRI test results came back with everything in the norm except for 1 degenerating disk, that I was told is nothing to worry about and that isnt was is giving me the pain. *SHRUGS* "THEN WHAT IS?"
For those of you reading and who dont know me. Let me describe myself. I am 5'6" and I am overweight...not by a little and some would say obese and I hate that word with a passion but realistically I am A LOT over weight.
Since I can remember I have been on one diet or another, from seeing a dietician to slim fast to weight watchers numerous times and nothing works for me. I am a person who needs immediate reinforcment and being on those diets I get frustrated. Also I have Polycystic Ovarian Disease which contributes to weight gain but it is not the one and only contributing factor, however because of that it is a little harder for me to take off the weight then the average person. I get frustrated and I seem to plateau on these diets earlier then most which frustrates me and I eventually revert to my old ways.
I have been researching and talking to several people in my area who has had gastric bypass surgery and all and I mean every last one of them would do it again and in fact all of them wish they had done it sooner. Today my doctor made the referal for me to be assessed and see if I would be a good candidate for this surgery. The referal is upto a year long wait here in Ottawa so in the mean time the doctor has made a referal for me to attend an Eating disorders clinc.
I have been using food as a reward and punishment and in fact I think I use it as punishment more then anything else. Today is emotional coming to these terms. I have weighed the pros and cons and I feel the pros outweigh the cons. Can I die from this surgery? YES, but I will die from heart disease, heart attack, diabetes, high cholesteral,stroke if I continue the way I am. I want to have a baby some day and I have looked into the affects of this surgery on that and there has been no reports of anyone not being able to carry to full term due to the surgery. However right now due to my weight my hormones are out of wack and I do not ovulate so no babies for me.
As you can see I have thought about this. I think it is the best thing for me. I think counselling on the side is a good thing for me. I dont want to have this surgery then turn nto something else to punish myself for some psychological issues. I feel bad that I have let it come to this, I feel embarrassed and somewhat ashamed that I have to resort to this drastic measure. I dont feel like I have much of a choice right now. The only thing that I am looking forward to about this whole ordeal is that, after this surgery I will be able to shop in any store I want. I can walk into a store and not have to ask for the fat clothes. I will not have to fight with penningtons because they dont have any more pants in my size, there will be lots to choose from.
And about the (oh shit I forgot) I forgot to ask the doctor about my elbow! DAMN I guess it can wait it isnt that important.