I guess I should have made this entry a couple days ago when I found out but I suppose I was just soaking it all in. I will try to explain as clearly and concisely as possible.
About 4 years ago my dad lost his best friend to cancer. My aunt or I should actually say my second cousin but because of age difference I call her my aunt was married to my dad's best friend. Here is the story.
My aunt had been married had three girls. her husband was abusive and cheated on her. Eventually they divorced. My aunt met this wonderful man slightly younger then herself but they loved one another. he was a hard worker and loved her daughters as his own. He had never been married before and never had kids of his own. One day during his mandatory workplace physicals they noticed a spot on his lung. Yep it was a tumour. After he had surgery, they figured they got it all and well doctors were happy and figured he would make a complete recovery. Less then a year later they found he had cancer again. It was along tough battle. My aunt and her fiance were married in the hospital approx 6 months before he died. My mom and dad stood as best man and maidtron of honour. My aunt stood by him took care of all his needs. Basically watched him die a little more every day. Being that I live so far from home I never saw the changes that occured while they happened. The last time I had seen him he was a strong healthy man. He was not a large man but he was strong and well built. Then I go home for a visit and there he was just a shell a fragment of who he once was. He still had the sparkle in his eye and love in his heart but I hardly recognized him. I returned home, and less then two months later he died.
Approximately 2 years later it is the end of august and my aunts 2 younger daughters are getting ready for college. My aunt gets the news that her sister (ALSO MY COUSIN/AUNT)has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Before I get into things I will say that about 2 months after that my other cousin/aunt was also diagnosed with a tumour in her breast. But was successfully treated.
Anyways so my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had to have a mastectomy (SP?) She was also treated with chemo/radiation Im not sure which. This aunt also has three daughters between the ages of 16-21. My aunt faught hard it has been a ong painful 2 years. Just when they think she is getting better this same family is struck with more bad news. They have now found a brain tumour. This is a woman who has lead a healthy life, who never smoked rarely drank and loved her husband and children more then anything and not only has she had to deal with breast cancer but not a brain tumour.
Doctors were operating yesturday to see what they could do for her. This operation can leave her death, blind, unable to talk, or walk or anything else that could leave her in a vegetative state, it could also kill her. They may get all the tumour and it may not be cancerous or it coudl be cancerous or they might not get it all. I have not heard anything yet. I will call home at lunch and find out if there has been any news.
I just cant understand how if there really is a merciful loving god how could he possibly allow for a family to go through all this turmoil and then alow murderers, rapists, child molesters to lead healthy lives. There are people out there who are not necessarily bad people but they dont want to live. I have an internet friend who has told me about how her friend is in the hospital and wont even feed herself, wont even get up to go to the bathroom because she just doesnt want to live. Yet my aunt has faught the good fight, has watched pieces of her body be removed, sat and allowed poisons to enter her body, poisons that make her terribly ill that cause her to loose all her hair, poisons that cause her to wither away to nothingness and yet there are people who chose be rotten, choose to allow themselves to die. Im sorry if I dont feel anything for them, I dont have sympathy for them and I dont have comapssion for them.
If there were am loving merciful god WHERE IS HE? Cause he sure hasnt been with my family. How many sisters brothers daughters husbands and wives aunts uncles mothers fathers will miss and mourn be touched by my aunt. My aunt was a girl guide leader she was active inher daughters lives she was an active part of the community and everyone she came into contact was embraced by her humble warm loving personality and yet she and her family are being put through these trials when useless pieces of garbage have never and will never feel 1/10 of what my aunt and her family feels. How is that fare?
Yesterday ||Tomorrow