Ok so yesturday I was in no condition to talk to anyone. I went to school, broke into tears most the day off and on, I might not have gone to school if I hadn't had a test. However despite everything I believe I did very well on the test. So as of 6:50pm last night my cat died. She went peacefully, she was sedated which that nearly killed her, her heart was so weak and then the vet administered the rest of the drugs that stopped her heart. She was wrapped up placed in a box where my parents brought her home and buried her. She was buried in her favorite hiding/napping place that she had when she used to go outside. She used to be able to sleep where it was cool and stalk the birds. We thought it was appropriate for her. My mom went to the gardening center and bought two stepping stones to lay over her grave and in the spring there will be plants all around her grave kind of like a flower garden and we all know she would like that. The past couple years I watched her deteriorate into something that she wasn't. She used to be strong, a hunter, active, social and the past several years she became withdrawn, isolated, slept all the time and cranky. I can't really blame her if you work it out she was 168 years old in cat years. I think if I lived that long I would be cranky to. She had hardly any muscle mass and everything became a real difficult chore for her. The past few months she would get lost in the closet and not know how to get out. We would find her sitting in the bath tub howling and even more recently she started have seizures. We knew it was time. Mom says she was just like me, stubborn! She just wouldn't give up. We kept hoping she would just die peacefully in her sleep but nope everyday she woke up and would slowly get out of bed, get something to eat and drink and return to bed.
I had a dream about her last night. She was healthy, happy and outside hunting. When I lived at home with her she would sleep on my pillow, she was like a little head muff. I dreamnt that she was doing that to me again, and when I woke up my cat who never sleeps with us was laying exactly how Kelly used to lay on my pillow like a head muff. I figure it was my sign a message that everything was alright. I know many people don't believe that type of thing but it gives me comfort believing this. I don't have anything else to believe. This cat has not EVER done this before so it was either a message or a coincedence and coincedences I don't believe in.
Anyways I have to get going. Once again thanks for all the heart felt emails. It was nice to read all the wonderful thoughts and messages of encouragment you all have had.
Yesterday ||Tomorrow
