Grandfather update
Well my family took my grandfather 4 hours from home so he could get treatment. My mom flew with my grandfather while my grandmother and father drove. You see my home town does not do radiation treatment and only limited Chemo treatments. All patients needing this type of surgery has to travel 4 hours out of town to have it done. So off they went. My grandfather is having 5 doses of radiation treatment. It is called palliative radiation, it is for pain management and nothing more. Apparently he had a really bad night last night. He kept asking my mom if she could see the indians on the wall. Apparently he is hallucinating really badly with the meds he is on. SO the doctor is changing hte med order. He was also up all night giving the nurses a hard time. I guess my mom appologized profusely for his behaviour stating that he isn't normally like that as she has been taking care of him at home up untill now. Then again my grandfather know better not to give her a hard time. I asked my mom on the phone if she thinks the cancer has spread to his brain. Just from my conversation with her I think it has, she confirmed it with me that she suspects that it has. He has been forgetting a few things and well he says some really strange things that for the most part she says she just ignores but we think the hallucinations are probably more than just the meds. For me this is the end. Even by the time I get home my grandfather is gone. He just doesn't exist. If I sit and concentrate I can picture him coming in the house on a sunday with a case of beer in tow, molly running to the door to greet him and him saying "HOWDY" I don't ever remember him just saying hi or hello it was always HOWDY...One of my first stuffed animals was my "Texas Rabbit", before I was born he spent several weeks in Texas inspecting the oil pipe lines, and he brought back my texas rabbit. I think when he gets buried I am going to request that my rabbit be buried with him. I'm sitting here tearing up and can hardly read the screen. This doesn't happen to me very often. SOme people think I'm heartless and cold but I have built such a wall that I try not to let too many things upset me. This usually happens when I am home alone thinking when I probably shouldn't be. I remember as a kid travelling for figure skating or for hockey. Often my grandparents went. They were some of my biggest cheerleaders. Sometimes we got one hotel room sometimes two. I earned the nickname "KNUCKLES" cause on several occasions when they were in a seperate room I would go knocking hence the name "knuckles" my other nick name most often used was "kissy" probably because I was always willing to give out hugs and kisses as a kid. I don't so much anymore but once in awhile he still calls me that. And the biggest name of al the one that has stuck the one that no one else can call me except for the aunt I was named after would be "BARBIE" No one calls me Barbie except a select few and he is one of them. But that is all changing, he might not even know who I am by the time I get there. So for me he is gone, the very essence of who he is is gone. I have never had a good relationship with my dad's parents. My grandfather died when I was 4 or 5 so I hardly remember him. I have two memories of hiim and that is about it. My dad's mom well after my grandfather died she more or less had no use for my brother and I. My grandmother plays favorites, and she can be a horrible wicked person. Life revovles around her and she manipulates and lies to get what she wants. If she doesn't get it she has a tantrum and gives you the silent treatment until she does. As far as I am concerned my parents have put up with way to much from her and are far to patient with her. She better not piss me off while I am home or I will put her in her place I have just about had it with that side of my family. They are people I love because they are family I don't choose to love them and I certainly don't like them. I am obliged through blood and that is about it. I guess maybe my brother and I had it good with my mom's parents as we were their only grandchildren and they always did things with us. They took turns picking us up and taking us out for lunch. They spent time with us and took us to camp with them. They always made an effort to go to our sporting events and supported any fundraising events we had. If we ever wanted or needed anything they made sure we had it. I don't know for sure but the year that my dad was on strike my brother and I still figured skated and played hockey. I am sure my grandparents helped to fund these events. I love my grandparents and ............well there just isn't much more I can say. I already miss my grandfather and feel guilty that I haven't been there for him. I wish I could go home NOW...I have 4 more shifts and a week from today and I will be home. I guess this is long enough and I know most people are probably tired of me bitching and complaining. So on a good note let me end with this....
I got another JOB...YES another. So in the past month that makes 4 jobs....oh me oh my what am I going to do? The all girlz group home has been wonderful and they are giving me all the time I need to be with my family and still giving me full time hours. Infact they are giving me enough hours through november and december that it is as if I am not missing any shifts. I will be off from Oct 25 till Nov 8 and they are giving me enogh shifts from the 9th until Dec 1 that I make up for the first 8 days of November plus extra hours so that I can still take time off in Dec. They offered me the full time night shift for now as there is an issue with my crisis intervention apparently I didn't pass the physical which is not a surprise as my body would not work that day as I was to sore to even move the day I was tested. I just have to redo that part. So I work thurs fri sat and sun night shift. 42 hours in 4 days and I do that from nov 9 till dec 17. I also got hired at the school board to work as an educational assistant with behaviour students and developmental students. So I think I am quitting the all boys group home. I just can't handle all the jobs and I think I have enough. Anyways I have rambled on enough but I thought I would end it on a good note. Ciao all.
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